“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.” Psalm 37:13-14, NASB
It is difficult for me to trust what I don’t understand.
Surprisingly, though, I would not describe myself as a natural skeptic. I don’t question everything, but neither do I accept everything as truth. It’s exhausting, at times, to search out the truth. So, many times, I simply choose to not make a decision one way or another in order to reserve my energy for other endeavors. I suppose I would say I accept everything at face value.
Except for God.
I don’t accept Him at face value. I don’t accept what He freely offers to me. Instead, I question every single thing He says, does, offers and rejects. I spend enormous amounts of energy trying to understand Him. Only understanding God is a futile pursuit. Because the more I begin to understand about God the more mysterious He becomes.
I will never understand why the Lord’s answer to my prayer for Mom to find freedom was to allow her the choice to leave me forever. Or why her life was so deeply riddled with pain, deception and defeat that she believed her only way out was to stop breathing.
I may never understand the purpose of an emotionally difficult year-long mission trip where I literally followed the Lord to the ends of the Earth.
And I will likely never understand why He chose to create mosquitos (seriously, what is their purpose exactly?! Except to annoy, bite and spread diseases?)
[pullquote width=”300″ float=”left”]I was never called to understand God, only to trust Him.
But, here’s the thing.
I was never called to understand God or the events He allows to happen in my life. I was only called to trust Him.
Understanding God limits Him and eliminates our need for His authority. Trusting God, however, embraces the truth of Who He is and admits our utter and desperate dependence on Him. God is incapable of being untrustworthy and His steadfastness is not reliant on my belief in it. It is Who He is. All of the time. Without fail. I only have to choose to agree with His identity and, in so doing, replace the quest for understanding with the quiet of believing.
That’s where faith comes in.
Faith bridges the gap between what I believe and what I do not understand. It does not mean that I blindly trust or stop seeking to understand God. It only means that I trust the relationship that we have and my place in that relationship.
It means that I accept that He is God and I am … me.
God is not required to reveal the “reasons why” He does, asks or allows the things He does in this world to a child of His. But that does not mean that He is not worthy of that child’s trust.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5